alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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