I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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