My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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