Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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