i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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