great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
