you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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