So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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