He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
