we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
