New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
