I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Randomize
