You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
