omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
