We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
