I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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