I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
