I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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