i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
