Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
