I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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