And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
