I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
