it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
