I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
