please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
