seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
