If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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