my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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