Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
