sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
