Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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