Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
