I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
