dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
