He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
