Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
