New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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