Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
