If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
