my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
