So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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