You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
