I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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