I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
