I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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