K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish I only lived at night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
