youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
