so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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