So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
