Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
