I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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