i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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