Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
