Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
