Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize