Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
