i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
