I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize