I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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