It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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