Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
