I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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