I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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