apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
