Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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