Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
