Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize