he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize