Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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