It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
