i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
