What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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