Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
